I would say that 2011 was quite full of unexpected drastic events
for me and I am sure for many of you as well. As I have expressed in
other posts earlier, I have learned so very much in this year from so many
different avenues of my own life. I have used all these lessons as
building blocks for myself. As we all are aware, we never stop growing
and learning. This is the biggest lesson I have come across quite
honestly. I always learn, but I never probably applied it to myself for
myself. I have come to the realization that I need to focus on Sheryl far
more than I do. The backbone of my personality has to be strengthened by
my own confidence and self-assurance, without this...I don't feel I can give to
my fullest extent to others. I am a giver, I have always been, I live for
always wanting to fix and make things better for all. This is something
that has continually broken me in many ways. Up until recently did I
recognize that this is not benefiting me as I thought it was? This could
be the reason that I am on multiple high blood pressure meds at 40???? So, with
much thought and pondering, I reached deep inside my heart and found the
difference between the strength to survive and the strength to stand up for
your own self. What I mean is that I am a very strong person and always
find resolution to survive and make whatever is on my plate work in a positive
manner and I don't settle for anything less. What I did realize is that
as strong as I may think I am, I was just as weak by always letting certain
people walk all over me and always wanting to make peace and most
importantly...I always let their words and actions affect my well-being on a
constant basis. This is soooooooooooooo harmful. I thought I was
just being a "good" person by sitting back and taking it and just
crying or being sad instead of being..well.. A bitch and expressing my true
pain and feelings. I have to admit that it saddens me that I have to
alter my own personality to deal with some people that are in my life. I
would never alter it for them, it is an alteration for myself because I am an
emotional person and I need to rid of ill behavior and egotistical people that
are basically 100% bullies and cannot deal with their own issues, so they
portray negativity on the ones that let them and I have always been that person
but guess what??? No More of that, I will only give what I am to those that are
deserving of it. It feels good to release that constant pull towards
always wanting to resolve, I won't say that I don't care anymore because that
would be a lie, but I will say that I am quite comfortable that I found that
piece of me that can now deal with separating what is worth my energy and what
is not and I can now understand that I can pick and choose my battles...I never
practiced that to the fullest extent. I battled that is for sure, I am by
far not innocent but I will stop the fight in a matter of a second to appease
the other person and bring peace. I will also say confidently that I
never want to be mean and I never bully anyone and never will and I feel deeply
sorry for those that have to and especially at the age some are!!!
On a happier note,
although that is happy for me....I am going to focus on me and my family for
Health and Well Being this year, ok, for eternity! I have amazing girls
and an amazing boyfriend and I cherish each of them to the fullest extent.
Included in that is just what I described above..letting go of the events
in life that cause the body stress and frustrations. I will only
entertain the positive in our lives and really you can turn everything into
something positive if you have that gift. I can't describe to you how the
alternations to my own self makes me smile and makes me feel like quite the
different person in some ways. With the support of my girls and Bob, I
have made some great transitions that I am very proud of. I imagine it is
some of the major happenings that we went through together that actually pulled
us together and that is because we learned from all of it and moved forward
instead of holding onto it and going nowhere! The key though is too learn and
take it all in for what it is and always go with your mind and heart and decipher
what you can and can't deal with and again LEARN...then you can move forward.
You cannot settle for something in life just because someone else thinks
one way. I see this in so many relationships of all kinds. Actually
probably the majority of the people in my life are this way. Be yourself.
That is probably one of my favorite things in my relationship is that I
get to be who I am and think how I want and discuss it and listen and be able
to see things different on my end and equally have him see things different on
his end and it is a process more should practice. With a
closed mind or a mind that is truly not yours...you will eventually fall or
burst!! TRUST ME ON THIS, PLEASE!! Never settle and never keep your mouth shut
when you have intuitions and or strong feelings, your own words are 100% worthy
to all and if that person does not see it that way...then that person is not
worthy of your companionship in that manner or at all in some cases.
I want one thing
to stick in your heads and this again is something that many people do not
practice. NEVER and I mean NEVER make a judgment on a person of any sort
without being involved remotely in that situation. No one ever knows a
story unless you are a part of it. Have you ever played Telephone, you
know the game when you have a line of people and the first person says
something and you whisper it down the line...well just in that small line, has
it ever come out of the last person's mouth the same way it started???? NO! So
in the real world, why would this be any different? It is not! What the
difference is, is that people who don't stop being self-absorbed and pay
attention to the matter at hand cannot help but open their mouths to cause
friction of any kind. Honestly, most of the time the people who are doing this,
really do not even have the business expressing anything. This is a very
hard lesson to learn because those that possess this trait have a very hard
time breaking of their own egos and strong need for negativity and misery.
This will eventually if not already create irreversible happenings that
one will regret.
I intend on
writing more and more and I won't promise this to myself, but my intentions are
to start a book and I will, I would love to start it now and maybe I will.
I have many lists of accomplishments that I plan on checking off this
year, that is definitely one for the bucket list but I truly would like to jump
on it sooner than later. Writing has made me see so many things in a different
light. I may not be the best at it, and although I am OCD in pretty much
everything in my life, I am not in grammar much at all. But the release
is enough for me and that is what it is about and to maybe touch on a subject
that others deal with as well. It is always nice to have someone relate
to your own situations.
I will continue to
give as I do and be there for anyone and everyone at all times, I just will
stop when the negativity is present and the ugliness appears.
I am out of here
until later!!! Happy New Year and I hope this is the year for everyone!!!
