I’m so happy I almost feel guilty in
a way. I have been dissecting my life and all that surrounds it or that
is in it or once was I should say. It is so easy to say you are in love
or that you, life or things are good. Those are words....are you really saying
those from your inner self or do you just say them to speak the words? I can
admit NOW that I did so much of that, probably for reasons that are
understandable and maybe some for just the opposite. Nonetheless, I have
come to the path in life that I see so much that has been happening for decades
that needed to change, needed to be understood and acted upon in whichever way
was the healthiest for ME and my loved ones.
There are so many directions that you can veer off on in every
life happening, whether you choose the right or wrong one is the question.
I firmly believe that there is no right path; I believe that you can be
on the wrong path and actually learn more than a path that was near perfect, if
you will. As long as you recognize the ugliness on one of the paths
crossings and you get off and take what you learned and then create a new path.
This should be in my opinion, an ongoing factor in your life.
Growth should be never ending at all cost; you cannot put a stop on
learning, listening, believing, etc.. If you do, you will go stale and you will
be robbing yourself of living your life.
I recently have come to the realization that I am a bit too giving
in the parenting side of life as well, Although I have three amazing girls that
I put first and foremost their entire lives and I can literally say that I have
lived my life for them and which I am proud of and do not regret one
bit...BUT...I now realize that I could say NO and disagree and not fully
support all their choices, action, behaviors. That kind of sounds like
any one of them could have made a bad choice that I supported and that is just
not the case, what I am saying is that...I think I could have pushed a bit
harder and it is never too late and so I am eagerly pushing the envelope a bit
more right now. I always had a barrier wall of fear that I gave into more
times than needed. There are definitely reasons for that, or at least I
know where the "give in" came from. I think for the most part I
am a very good mom, but I had my head into making our scenario work and be
prosperous by going to get my degree and working my ass off, that I sometimes
was just easy to sway. Nothing dramatic, just life in general. One
thing I never lacked in though was communication and that is what I think saved
us for sure! Although my girls would disagree with this statement, but
there is never too much communication. I don’t know if you can over communicate;
if you can....I most certainly fall into that! I am trying to focus on that as
well.
If there was one thing I could offer as my best advice piece, it
would be: Stop whatever scenario you have presently happening in your life and
look at it from all angles. This does not mean just the pros and cons, as this
is how many of us make life decisions, you have to dig deeper. Example
being: branch off your pros and cons with questions to yourself on the present,
future, how it benefits you and your loved ones. Always understand what
you are debating within your own self, seek another direction even if it is
against your beliefs. You need to feel other avenues in life. If you don’t
feel them, you cannot make a safe decision. This does not mean you have
to act on anything, I am simply stating the fact to expand your boundaries and
venture into unknown territory to just have that uneasy feeling, this will show
your final decision is solid.
One very big lesson that I have learned is too not judge any one
person ONLY until you have involved yourself in their persona on a
personal level. Only when you do this can you make a fair call.
People are complex and so you cannot look at a person for face value,
well this is my opinion anyways. I will say though that I feel it is 100%
correct, the saying, "Until you walk in my shoes, don't judge or
speak" is so true. It actually sickens me to some degree when I see
people open their face and throw up words and comments upon someone or
something when they do not have one foot remotely near the situation to speak.
What makes me even sicker is when they do this and they have more issues
themselves that need deep resolve. SO, keep your lips zipped when you
don't know what you are talking about and focus on yourself instead of others
because I can guarantee, we all have our own faults we should be putting our
energies into instead of hiding behind someone else's issues just so you can
pretend yours are not there. Which brings me to my next important
finding?
Accountability - This is a word everybody should know and practice
at all times. I have never respected it as much as I do now. It
goes a long way when you take this on in your daily routine. This goes
hand in hand with stopping and smelling the roses daily as well and focusing on
your actions and how they play out in your life happenings. I am a
defensive person; I will defend the loved ones in my life to the core.
That is just the extreme loyal side of me, I will say, I am proud of this
but at the same time, I needed to understand that I am not only defending but I
am enabling as well with that to a point. I have noticed that this can be
harmful, even though it seems like a good gesture to practice. Again, I
absolutely know WHY I do this and that helps in the process of taking a few
steps back and not be so fast to defend but to listen and just maybe see
something I did not see before prior to defending. In my own family, I
see so much of this going on and so much that went on since my childhood into
my adulthood, so much that it has actually shocked me now that I see it.
It brings to the surface, so much unturned ground that I have had brewing
in my soul. When you cannot see who and what you are yourself, how can
you EVER see someone else? That goes for all your inner circle
relationships, you have to at least be open to your own self to be able to let
others in. Until you can admit to fault (because we all have them and
always will) you don't get to harbor on others. With that being said, I
have been putting this to practice as well. This is a very important
piece to hold on to and adhere to as well. The sad part is , that in my
family....I see this as a change that will never happen with some because of
such self-absorption and ego's in the way, that is a whole other can of worms
and I do not have the energies to touch on that way presently :). That is
why I have chosen a path to walk the other way for the time being. I have
found that doing this; I have for once in my life, been able to focus clearly
without the bully behavior and the ridiculing practices that I have been
burdened with my entire life. I feel free and although I am so happy
about it, it saddens me that I went so long feeling this way when it was so
easy to get away from. It was a great lesson, one that has ultimately
changed me in several ways; I feel I am a better person by far because of it.
I do hope one day that this changes to a certain extent, but I can
guarantee it will not change until other change has been set in stone. That is
a promise! The inner strength I have gained from this is so extreme.
Just remember to respect yourself and think about your decisions and
actions, they could possibly not be the best move for you or anyone involved.
Also remember that sometimes, ill actions can be permanent and this could
be detrimental to your being and or life. Your actions to one could go
beyond that person and affect others to a deeper degree, keep that in your
noggin to brew!
So off the psych roller coaster and onto the health aspect of my
life. I ran around the block and rode my bike, worked out a bit and was
so proud, so proud, I actually felt skinnier instantly...lol. The point
is, I have not had the time to do it again, ok...I chose not to when I probably
could have for sure...I need someone to push my ass to get my OCD kicking in
for health reasons. I will say though, that my eating habits are on the
OCD path pretty much, so that is a plus! It is hard for me for some odd
reason! HELP!!Everyday my awesome little brother and sister in law works out
right next door to my workplace and everyday he screams, "are you coming
to work out today". One day I am going to shock their cute little
selves and just do it! They would absolutely love it!!! We will see! If my man
wasn't working his butt off and working long ass hard manual hours, he would be
pushing me! We are just simply exhausted every night but I am sure if we
worked out in our workout area at home that we set up so nicely, we would have
more energy...easier said than done. He at least is working out all day working;
I am sitting on my butt most of the day!!! This is something as well that I
would like to instill on my beautiful daughters. Health should be given
more attention to for obvious reasons. I think it is finally on an upward
path, but needs much for attention to detail from all, including me!
Brianna is coming home tomorrow and she has been working out left and
right and eating. I am hoping she will bring some much needed energy home
as well; it is always easier when you have someone doing it with you.
Long blog today, but I have so much internal energy. Now that I
have worked my butt off organizing and covering at work, things should be
settling down on the home front after about a year of high stress! More
clarity should be around the corner and I can focus more on US as a whole.
To conclude, I have never been as happy as I am right now.
Happy, Healthy Children that amaze me daily and a man that walked back
into my life on a different level that brought me more than I could ever
imagine, I didn't know I could be in such a good place in mind, body and
spirit. I have never felt this much satisfaction in my existence. WOO
HOO.
Also, one last thing. A very important part of my life as
many of you know is our organization Walla-pa-looza. Please seek more
information on ... http://walla-pa-looza.org/. It is
an amazing group helping our community. Our big yearly event is coming up
right around the corner and we need volunteers and most important:::: we need
sponsors and raffle prizes. Please find in your heart to help out if you
can and please come join us for a great ROCKING day! Our Walla family has all
been so busy with new jobs, kids and life in general that I miss them all and
look forward to our event planning and spending lots of time together again...
ROCK ON
Sheryl
