Fast Growth within........

I wonder with the life happenings that we are all subjected to be handled in the correct way, or are there even ever a correct way?  Is the correct way based upon society or your surroundings or is it based upon your own inner self.  I am questioning this so much at the present moment because I can see both of these scenarios being played out and I am currently playing them in my own head.

I have grown so much in such a short amount of time learning about myself and seeing different behavior patterns that I have.  Some are good and some that need to be worked on. I have found in times of severe stress and times of in depth life decisions; this makes the mind work harder than the norm. I have had much of this going on and my mind can’t stop thinking to a point of destruction almost.  I am of course, just finding more strength and ways to deal in a positive and productive way…but to say the least; this is by far the most challenging adventure I have had to sail through!

I am realizing that what you might think is the right answers to what you have at hand is really sometimes not what you thought it is or once was. As much as you may want it to be just that, I am learning that I have to face the facts that it might not be. This is the lesson I am currently learning, to face the reality that is upon you and make it work in the best possible way.  BUT…don’t settle just because it is not seen in the eyes of others as what you want or need or see as the best scenario for your own personal decision. Life is about yourself and the ones you are responsible for, you are not here to completely please others or turn yourself into something you are not to appease someone else.  I am a nurturing person and always have been and probably will always be.  I am understanding though in this compulsive process that I am neglecting myself by not nurturing my own self.  I am asking myself, how can I nurture others, when I am not doing it to me first? Or is it something that is masking some past void and it makes me feel better to take care of others? Who knows, I am entertaining all these new insights of myself and I may figure them out or I may not, but I can say that I am going to give it my all, as I always do , to be the best person for myself and in general that I can be.  But I will not let anyone walk all over me anymore, that is NO ONE! I am not perfect by any means, but I am not a bad person either and always want the best to happen in every scenario that I am involved in.  Life lessons can sometimes be so very challenging, but you can always make good out of them as well.  It is all in your own mind how you see the outcome.  The outcome could in reality be bad, but if you have the tools to SEE it different, you can get through it and could even turn out to be a better ending then you would ever imagine.  I have some very challenging events in my life right now that I sometimes think I cannot and will not get through.  I am using every little bit of strength that I have to conquer it all and I will, I always do.  I have gained some understanding of my own self through this, which is always good as long as you make the best of what you see..meaning if change needs to be made..you make it or you stand your ground if you feel that you are ok with what that currently is.  Just always play all scenarios in your heart and soul to make sure that you are making the right choices or seeing things correctly.

I have always gone through life trying to show people happiness or trying to be a peacemaker even if I wasn’t involved in the situation.  I also try and rectify everything I am involved in and usually at a fast pace as that is my personality trait (which I am also learning is not such a great trait sometimes).  My new approach to all of this is to just play it out.  Again, this is not easy for me at all, in fact…it is extremely hard for me, but I am doing it.  I can say I am not very happy about it inside and not too sure if it is even me or if I even want this to be me, but I am giving it a shot nonetheless.   The main reason I am not happy with it is because it is making me hold in feelings, emotions, thoughts inside and I don’t like to work that way.  I always feel communication and letting all of that out is best practice, but I could be wrong and we will soon see. I also feel that this approach brings some negative aspect to the happenings I have at hand that I also am not digging too much because it is making me see and realize things I did not see prior. This could be a good thing in the long run as well.  Instead of trying to seek approval from all, I am just showing what is going to play out.  Action speaks louder than words always in any scenario.  You cannot always have control of the happenings, but you can always have control of how you feel and how you are going to deal with the happenings, because they are your own.  I want to express though, don’t let anyone take that from you.  Although I am keeping much in at the moment, I am pondering on all of it and taking it all in for what it is.  I will resolve within myself because you just have to. Final decisions will be made from my pondering when I feel the complete confidence within myself.  I have always done that, but I am taking it on a different way now.

So, on a good note, I am happy and ready for life’s changes and challenges that I have upon me at the present time.  I have had my downtime and worrisome time and now I am ready to take it all on.  That is how I work and that is how I cope and that is what has gotten me through some major hard times in life and I will stick with what works and build on it as well.  As there is always and will always be room for growth within Sheryl!   

Loving the Gamble and Change that is happening now!!!.............

I haven't blogged in a very long time and probably need to start to a bit more.  I have had my life change dramatically in a very short time and have been dealing with all the components that go along with this huge change.  I can say that I have had a vast amount of emotions, some new and some already experienced once before but probably never at this capacity.  Through all of this, I have had some eye openings on issues that have lingered in my heart and gone on way to long and I have finally has closure on them.  Some are unfortunate, but nonetheless much needed and sadly, it feels good to have this realization and to let go and move on.  I have gone my life always wanting to make peace with every action, every happening and almost any event that I am involved in and that has gotten me some good things but the bad things that it brings me has made me realize that this process is only worthy to those that are worthy of receiving it.  This is a big step for me to rid of constantly wanting to make everyone happy, you simply cannot do this and it has taken me this long to understand this.  From here on out, only those that can understand the meaning of family, friendship, support, loyalty and pure love are the ones that will get this from me, all others do not get this energy from me anymore, nor do they get to even try to take it.

I have worked so hard in the past 9 years for certain goals, goals that I set as attainable for myself and I keep saying to myself these last couple weeks that I was handed all that has been given to me in the past few months, but I now realize that this wasn't handed to me, I earned every bit of it.  That is what I worked so hard for and for all of it, I am receiving the benefits now and it is amazing.  

For those that don't know, I was approached by a recruiter for a job opportunity from a leading IT software company that I carry many certifications in and use on a daily basis as well as being an administrator for the company I currently am employed by. When I was first approached, I knew this company resided in Tampa, FL and at first was just entertaining the whole idea as a whole not thinking this was going to become much of anything for a company this size.  Well. I was totally wrong....after the couple phone interviews and the praise of all the different management; I started to entertain the idea as a real happening.  I was then asked to fly down immediately to meet the owner and CEO of the company.  Mind you, this all happened in a matter of days, I was a bit in ego shock.  I flew down to Florida at 845 am , had a fun filled day with them and to my surprise was offered the job on the spot, back on the plane and landed back home at 840 pm with a whole new look on my career.  I was, to say the least a bit confused, sad, happy, scared,  and every other emotion there could be, I spent the entire plane ride making pros, cons and making lists of everything that I could think of that was a benefit to me and .. well...there was not much on the side of not leaning towards this opportunity.  After much research, sleepless nights, meetings and discussions with executives at both my current job and new job, I decided that this was the absolute way to go.  I accepted the job and gave my notice to my current job.  I am making a huge gamble in life and I know that, but what I know most about all of this, is that this is the absolute right decision.  I know it is going to be hard, but with that known, I know I can do it.  Without bashing anyone, because that also is out of my life and from here on out, I understand I am the primary provider for my children's existence financially, mentally, physically and every other aspect, this is the best opportunity to make a better life for my girls and I'm so proud that I am going to do just that.  At this same point in my life, I am most definitely happier and content then I have ever been.  I have an amazing relationship that was completely unexpected and has given me so much inspiration, love, self-esteem, love, happiness, love...I just can't even explain in words what it actually even is.  All I can say is that I have never felt like this in any relationship and this is how it is supposed to be and this is what love, life and existence is about and I will be holding onto this for a lifetime, I promise you that.  Back to the job offer, I am dealing with some legal issues at the present time and as soon as that is cleared up, we will be leaving for Florida.  My start date is July 11th.  I am now extremely excited to go and have this opportunity for a better life and for a much needed change for me and the girls.  It is going to be such a great opportunity for all of us and I know this is going to be what is needed.  The past week, I have seen some things in my life that pushed me even harder to know that this is what needs to be done.  I am so ready to take this on and make the lives of my family flower and shine!

I have learned many lessons in a short time here and have blossomed in my own self dramatically in the last months.  One lesson learned is that you need to take chances in life and always look at them as positive and pay attention to detail.  Open your mind and accept in only what feels right in your heart, don't settle for anything and strive for what makes YOU feel good inside and what you want in life.  You never know what life has in store for you.  At the end of 2010, I had many things on my plate that did not look good, that did not have me going to good places. Was this real or was this how I was looking at it?  I think it was both realistically but I made a promise to myself in Dec of 2010 that 2011 was my year.  I made a stern promise in my heart and soul and I immediately started on that awesome path. My life has been continually changing since then with all positive and incredible happenings.  I know and acknowledge that I have some battles ahead that I will have to deal with from this big life change, but I am confident that I will conquer them with flying colors.  You always have to remember, that nothing is permanent and that you have a choice in life for whatever you take on and everything can be what you want it to be, that is, if you really want it and work for it.  Set your goals big and small and always work towards them.  Also, I express this lesson.  Instead of wasting your energy on trying to show others or even yourself that your choices are the right choices, just DO IT and that is all the proof you need.  As we always say, actions speak louder than words.  Don't waste that time on trying to convince, just show it in your action and nothing will ever have to be explained again. 

I will miss my incredible friends and family and I will miss McHenry, but I know it is always here.  I am excited to make all better and to give my girls freedom of struggling stress that we have been under for so long. My girls are amazing and stand by my side, as I always stand by theirs.  I cannot wait for our new life and have already started to embrace the change and emotions that lie ahead. 

Change is always good and brings so many things to your life that you never knew existed, I’m choosing to take it all on and to LIVE my LIFE.