Court or no court for Big Bird????

Not a big post...will elaborate later but for now

Court or no Court for Big Bird???? This is a huge decision for me, I have never taken him to court, but it is time I think and when I do something I am doing it big...no little shit! It is all or nothing and that means pulling out all the past chapters and dirt!!! hmmmmmmmmmmm. what do you think?  I now will have time to fight this battle but do I want that negativity in my life or just say......I have done it without your help, I will continue on without it...No money in the world can take the place of the respect and love that you can never take from me that our girls have for me!!!  Now it might be time for you to suffer!!!!

Hard decision....lots of thoughts in my head..............

Overwhelming Thoughts.................

So much in my head these last couple days...With new ventures comes new thoughts and processes.  Don't get me wrong...I love to think, I thrive on thinking, but sometimes it is overbearing and you just want the answers or the outcomes, but we know that is not in our cards.  We have to travel the waves and take it as it comes along and make the absolute best at what is at hand at the present moment. Do you ever in your heart and soul know that you feel something so strong and that you have no doubts about it but then at the same time are apprehensive as well? It sounds silly but that is how I always operate, I am not sure if this is a defense mechanism that I put up or if this is truly a mixed emotion that needs to be worked out.  Nonetheless, I'm glad that I do operate this way, because I play out all my life scenarios to the fullest in my head as much as I can prior to making any crazy moves.  Does this mean I have been perfect in all my choices...OF COURSE!! Of course, I have not, yet I do not regret any of those bad decisions either because it has made me who I am and taught me a lot of lessons that have been very productive in my life happenings.  

I take so much in and watch and pay attention to all my surroundings.  Many people don't do this and should start to practice this.  You may see, but you need to take it in and feel it.  It makes you see so many issues in your life and others lives as well in a different aspect. For example.   We all use the saying " You don't know what you have until it’s gone" I can't express this enough to all! Now, first let me say this so I can set the record straight! I have this knowledge from experience but not from any of my past relationships, I never make that kind of a decision without being sure of my decision... (Just had to clarify to all those talkers out there!!) Anyways...back to the front! I am just seeing so many people that don't see what they have and maybe not even appreciate it.  This will always happen and we will always see it, but I just think it is an easy fix to pay attention to detail and appreciate! It makes life so much better when you focus on this daily. So, I just ask..To try and practice this...It could change your life! :)

Sorry, I am so jumpy today, but I have a lot going on upstairs, maybe a bit overwhelmed at the present moment in my life.  Many changes have happened and many changes soon to be evolved and it is all a process that takes decisions, clarifications, and peace with what your final outcome is. This is the hard part because you never know what you have in store for you. EVER! So I just go with the flow of life, that is not so easy all the time...actually pretty hard most of the time, but it is all in how you handle it.  My way is to talk...I try and communicate anything that is troubling for me in any way.  I take it on by confronting who, what or why and break it down until I am at least comfortable with the scenarios that could transpire. I then move forward. You cannot hold it in; I don't think this is a healthy choice at any level at all.  This only causes more issues in my eyes.  I need to go back to my head being clouded with emotion, thoughts, new ideas, and so much pondering on so many different items that have been introduced to my life in some sort of way recently..as recent as today! It is so filled that it is even hard for me to express any of it in words. I'm just so blessed to have so many people in my life that I can rely on to help guide me through troubled times or maybe not troubled but questionable times if you will.

I guess maybe I just have lots going on and I needed to express it in my blog as I always do...This happens every so often, but it doesn't last long. I just need to chill ~ focus ~ think ~ breath and all will go smooth.

Thanks for listening :) Goodnight.

Me….Myself , The next Book in my series of LIFE!

Do you all know who you really are?  More so, do you let yourself be who you want to be? 

Although I most definitely have been “Me” my whole life, I have not expressed nor entertained the wants, passions, and interests that I so long for.  I was married young, started my family young and devoted myself to just that.  I held back to raise my children to the absolute best that I could do.  I will pat myself on the back that I did a marvelous job and have raised three beautiful, intelligent, responsible girls.  Although motherhood is never done, I feel the time has come to start expanding my desires.  As we all know I am turning 40 in a couple weeks and I am also graduating which was one of my biggest life goals.  I worked hard to get there and intend to use all my learning’s, but I am definitely going to be fulfilling other goals in life now.

Recently, I had a very special past relationship reappear into my life.  Well, honestly it has never been gone and it was brought to the table a couple times, but it was not the right time in life in the past 20 years.  Although some circumstances are involved, it is now the time! I bring this up because being entwined in these emotions and feelings has made my inner, held-back personality shine!! I love who I am with him and I love what is happening.  I will admit that I was happy in past relationships and thought things were awesome and expressed that, but to my closest friends, I expressed concern and question.  Never have I had a relationship where I have not done that.  I believe in expressing positive happenings, because who wants to hear crap? Not me! Although, I was extremely happy most of the time, there has always been that “something” missing and this was even in my marriage and I knew it and felt it but rode the storm anyways and learned to adapt to my surroundings and what I had at hand. I have that feeling that I have longed for all my life, it was there instantly.  I am enjoying it and riding with it as long as I can.  I feel it is intense and strong enough that it will most definitely be conquered and it will have the result we both want and need.

Normally, I am so open about my life happenings with all, but this is a bit too special right now to completely share,  because right now it is MINE, OURS and I am soaking in all I can.  It is the most amazing all over feeling I have ever experienced and I don’t want to lose an ounce of it. Plus the mystery and lack of conversation makes it all more intense!

The moral of this story is: I am who I am, I feel who I am, I see who I am and I love it! It was not an easy place to get to, but I am finally there.  With much experience, many life happenings good and bad and many, many, many mistakes have brought the inner me out. I am only human and will always make mistakes, have some bad judgment and even be dramatic.  But I will do all this in a different light. I have been given so many amazing gifts in the past couple years.  I cannot express how thankful I am to have the children that I have and the man that I have, the friends that I have, the family that I have! I am a very lucky woman! I have so much to live for and I can’t wait to take on all these new adventures!! I lived the chapters, not bring on THE NEXT BOOK of this life series!!!!