"Because I Said So........": Perfect, what the hell does this mean?

"Because I Said So........": Perfect, what the hell does this mean?: Have you ever felt you are so sure of something but at the same time, you are questioning yourself deeply as well? Do we ever really truly...

Perfect, what the hell does this mean?

Have you ever felt you are so sure of something but at the same time, you are questioning yourself deeply as well?  Do we ever really truly know what is right or wrong or comforting or discomforting by our inner feelings or is it a combination of what society sees and what we feel or what we want to feel about something or someone? I am observing myself and others in this exact scenario.  I am not sure if this is my OCD that makes me constantly seek out resolution and understanding or if I truly see a problem with this and want to be aware of this.  This writing is kind of a mixture of my problems with OCD and trying to understand my obsessions with clarification and resolution.  I always want to understand every aspect of my life to the fullest, is this bad or is this good or do I need to find a happy medium? I sincerely do not know this answer and I am desperately seeking good advice on the manner.
We all have our life stories or our excuses for all behaviors that we possess as individuals, but I feel the majority of the time, we do not recognize that these can be harmful until we understand them fully for what they really are.  My childhood is not one that I like to share with just anyone, but to summarize, I have learned that so many of my childhood happenings are the backbone to a list of my issues in my life.  We all know this as common sense of course, but until you really think about it and seek out the entire picture , it is not a helpful tool by just being able to say those words.  Recognizing the ins and outs of the happening and linking it to a behavior that you possess is the only way to work through it.
As I have stated in previous blogs, that I am in a learning sector of my life right now and it is quite rewarding but confusing at times as well.  I am pretty much working on all of the ones I have come to terms with, some not being as easy as the next. I would venture to say that it is a lifetime of understanding because you never stop growing and changing and if you have an obsessive trait at all in yourself as I do, I cannot stop taking it all in and trying to make myself better or at least understanding myself to the fullest.  Now to add to that, my problem is wanting and trying to understand others that impact my life on a daily basis as well.
As I am given advice to relax and let life flow, I try that approach....trust me I try so hard.  Just when I think I am doing just that, something of a bigger sort happens and that all goes to the wayside again and it is hard to jump back on the Relax Train to say the least.
 I always say to myself and others that I wish I was a heartless, black hearted bitch, it would seem to make life much easier when you just don't give a shit about anything but yourself.
So I ask myself, at what point does making changes in yourself actually alter who you really are?  That is my fear, I never want to really change who I am, but I am open to changing my ways for sure if need be.  I absolutely know that I am very far from perfect and that I need work just as much as the next person no matter how happy and content I may seem.  It is a reality, and a reality that every person should be able to admit, because no one person is anywhere near perfect.  Because Perfect does not exist, it is a word society created that is far from real!!!!!  We are all different and for that , the word perfect cannot not possibly be real.
I observe so many people passing judgement on others and giving advice to others about how to change themselves or point out flaws that one carries, but they themselves do not take accountability for what they need to realize about their own self.  In our family, we call that "check yourself".  It is OK to give constructive criticism to others, but at the same time, make sure you are understanding that maybe your advice is based upon a feeling or belief that you have but is not true because it is not understood by your own self on your side. I hope that makes sense to you.  I guess in other words, I am saying : Don't harm others with words when you hold ignorance to your own being that you don't or cannot see to even try and fix yourself.
Everyday I worry about something and everyday I try to fix things and maybe even get stressed daily about something that I would like to make better.  I am working on that, I am not sure if that is normal and productive or if it consuming my life in a bad way.  I also do not know if that is a survival tactic or if it is a wall I have built up that I just can't knock down.  I can honestly say, that I wish with all my heart that I could go a day without worrying about something so deeply and just enjoy myself and my loved ones.  In the big picture, we are supposed to be having fun, enjoying life and moving forward right?  Well I do all those things but with stress always in the back of my head and the constant thinking, I can never stop thinking EVER!!! It is an addiction that I sooooooooooo want to break! (I think).

I don't really know what exactly I meant this blog to be about when I started, maybe I just needed to vent a bit and understand some feelings I am having at the present time.  I love to blog and share and I love it because it makes a difference for me and it has effected others personally as well and that gives me a good feeling.  Maybe I need for someone to hear my emotions out loud, who knows really.
I continue to work on who and what I am and want to understand myself, I truly want to be the best person that I can be but I also want to be just that "ME".  I will learn as I continue to go along, but I hope that all my lessons are ones that go hand in hand with what I want at the present moment and what I see in my future right now and all in a positive manner that only strengthens my insights as I see them now and not negative that I suddenly see something that I didn't see before that ruins those insights. Nothing is set in stone and nothing is forever, but you can definitely take every path and every effort to make what you WANT!!! I am doing just that and will use all my powers to continue towards my wants and needs.