I wonder with the life happenings that we are all subjected to be handled in the correct way, or are there even ever a correct way? Is the correct way based upon society or your surroundings or is it based upon your own inner self. I am questioning this so much at the present moment because I can see both of these scenarios being played out and I am currently playing them in my own head.
I have grown so much in such a short amount of time learning about myself and seeing different behavior patterns that I have. Some are good and some that need to be worked on. I have found in times of severe stress and times of in depth life decisions; this makes the mind work harder than the norm. I have had much of this going on and my mind can’t stop thinking to a point of destruction almost. I am of course, just finding more strength and ways to deal in a positive and productive way…but to say the least; this is by far the most challenging adventure I have had to sail through!
I am realizing that what you might think is the right answers to what you have at hand is really sometimes not what you thought it is or once was. As much as you may want it to be just that, I am learning that I have to face the facts that it might not be. This is the lesson I am currently learning, to face the reality that is upon you and make it work in the best possible way. BUT…don’t settle just because it is not seen in the eyes of others as what you want or need or see as the best scenario for your own personal decision. Life is about yourself and the ones you are responsible for, you are not here to completely please others or turn yourself into something you are not to appease someone else. I am a nurturing person and always have been and probably will always be. I am understanding though in this compulsive process that I am neglecting myself by not nurturing my own self. I am asking myself, how can I nurture others, when I am not doing it to me first? Or is it something that is masking some past void and it makes me feel better to take care of others? Who knows, I am entertaining all these new insights of myself and I may figure them out or I may not, but I can say that I am going to give it my all, as I always do , to be the best person for myself and in general that I can be. But I will not let anyone walk all over me anymore, that is NO ONE! I am not perfect by any means, but I am not a bad person either and always want the best to happen in every scenario that I am involved in. Life lessons can sometimes be so very challenging, but you can always make good out of them as well. It is all in your own mind how you see the outcome. The outcome could in reality be bad, but if you have the tools to SEE it different, you can get through it and could even turn out to be a better ending then you would ever imagine. I have some very challenging events in my life right now that I sometimes think I cannot and will not get through. I am using every little bit of strength that I have to conquer it all and I will, I always do. I have gained some understanding of my own self through this, which is always good as long as you make the best of what you see..meaning if change needs to be made..you make it or you stand your ground if you feel that you are ok with what that currently is. Just always play all scenarios in your heart and soul to make sure that you are making the right choices or seeing things correctly.
I have always gone through life trying to show people happiness or trying to be a peacemaker even if I wasn’t involved in the situation. I also try and rectify everything I am involved in and usually at a fast pace as that is my personality trait (which I am also learning is not such a great trait sometimes). My new approach to all of this is to just play it out. Again, this is not easy for me at all, in fact…it is extremely hard for me, but I am doing it. I can say I am not very happy about it inside and not too sure if it is even me or if I even want this to be me, but I am giving it a shot nonetheless. The main reason I am not happy with it is because it is making me hold in feelings, emotions, thoughts inside and I don’t like to work that way. I always feel communication and letting all of that out is best practice, but I could be wrong and we will soon see. I also feel that this approach brings some negative aspect to the happenings I have at hand that I also am not digging too much because it is making me see and realize things I did not see prior. This could be a good thing in the long run as well. Instead of trying to seek approval from all, I am just showing what is going to play out. Action speaks louder than words always in any scenario. You cannot always have control of the happenings, but you can always have control of how you feel and how you are going to deal with the happenings, because they are your own. I want to express though, don’t let anyone take that from you. Although I am keeping much in at the moment, I am pondering on all of it and taking it all in for what it is. I will resolve within myself because you just have to. Final decisions will be made from my pondering when I feel the complete confidence within myself. I have always done that, but I am taking it on a different way now.
So, on a good note, I am happy and ready for life’s changes and challenges that I have upon me at the present time. I have had my downtime and worrisome time and now I am ready to take it all on. That is how I work and that is how I cope and that is what has gotten me through some major hard times in life and I will stick with what works and build on it as well. As there is always and will always be room for growth within Sheryl!
