Friday Night Nerd Night

Do you ever sit and wonder what you are doing in life and where you will be going?  I do this often.  I am not sure if I want to just be alone for the rest of my life and do the things that I want to do with no issues.  I think that I finally know who I am and I want to enjoy myself and of course my girls, but they are going to be starting their own life paths within the next few years.  I have so many things that I want to do and so many years to make up of holding myself back from what I enjoyed.  As most of my friends went the opposite path that I did.  I graduated from H.S and bought a house, than got married at 20 and started a family at 23.  Than 12 years later getting divorced, graduating from college and all before 40.  My girls will be out of school in 4 years.  I have so many friends just started families or have young children.  I guess it is not bad that I went this way.  My plan is to travel if I can, of course I won’t be able to do much of that because I’m pregnant, but when the baby is born…I will.  My mind is always going and going and going on thoughts of what I want to do later in life.  I want to take in as much as I can and do as many things as I can.  I am blessed to be close to such an awesome City – Chicago – and by the time I get to explore as much as I want to, my little sister will be even more familiar being a city girl now herself.  I was down there this past weekend bringing her home and what an amazing, lifting feeling just being there.  I think too many people stay in one spot and don’t’ venture out.  I am not that person, yes I have been “tied” down if you will for many years raising my family, but the time is coming for Sheryl to really appear and I plan on taking it to the fullest extent.  I would love to do things with someone, but if it turns out that I am alone, I am good with that. Oh and by the way, if you don’t know me that well, I am a bit of a nut….I am soooooooooooo not pregnant, but it was fun to just write and I know I freaked some people out and that makes me smile J. A lot of people don’t know this, but I have such a love for the ocean, I sometimes feel that I was born there and taken away, kind of like a lifetime movie or something, I am quite different from my siblings, so maybe I better check into this.  So, the next best thing to the ocean since I can’t be there as much as I would like is a salt water tank, which I bought our family last Christmas…I love it, it is so so very relaxing to sit and watch.  I would like to add that it is so so very expensive as well, how hard is it to stay alive in this awesome tank that I built for you with all that sea life growing in the live rock and lives and, etc. These fish just die all the time, I think we have it down pat now, it is some major hard work.  Everyone told me that, but do I listen? Absolutely not, I always think I can troubleshoot and fix everything….I guess that is why I got into IT.  The only problem with that is what I can do and what I have done at home and for friends is nothing to what my guys do (my co-workers, I call them MY guys) I think I pretty much suck at it honestly, but I have a passion for it, so I will conquer it all, I’m very blessed to be able to have all of them to learn from. Plus , because I am so bossy, I decided that I am bypassing the tech work and I enjoy being the Boss Lady, I have a break from that at the level I was at right now and one step up from that at this point, and I miss it already.  I have become a control freak in my aging process.  I don’t know if it is because I’m just a jerk or if I will never let anyone have any control of me again in my life but whatever it is, that is who I am.  I think it is just a survival tactic. Ok, I have to break right now, I am actually sitting at home right now, chatting with an old friend  of mine, a special friend at that and watching my sisters and my niece at Joes Bar in Chicago while Jake Owen is playing live, I’m streaming it and watching….See what I’m talking about? I need to live a little bit more, school is over soon and then it is Sheryl time, time for me to finally take in life for me…Guitar lessons is #1 and then some fun classes.  I can’t wait!!! So much to do, life is good, I’m happy, I have made some much needed changes in my life recently and I know it was the right choices as well.  I will blog about that later.  For now, Curb your enthusiasm is on and I have a long day tomorrow and so I’m going to watch some TV.

Sources for troubled times....

Over the years past 8-9 years, I have been faced with some very difficult times as we all have.  I could have just given up; throw my hands up in the air and settle for something in a world I didn't want to be in. Instead, I went and seeked out every resource, every opportunity that I could possibly get my hands on to feed my girls, give them everything that I could.  I had a guilty feeling at all times that they had to go through a divorce and deal with such a disheartening situation. As parents we want to make the best for our children and I felt like I failed at that, I know now that I was completely wrong but at the time, that is how I felt. There were so many hard times but I never let it show, never shared with anyone in my life for the most part and just did what I had to do.  I was working 4 jobs at one point, but never away from the girls, I was able to work different jobs when the girls were not with me, but I still couldn't make it.  That is when I decided to go to school and move forward at a fast pace. This blog is to provide some resources for help, right now is a very difficult time for so many families. The amount of help you can get also depends on the amount of income that you bring in.  To qualify for state help, you pretty much have to make 0.00 dollars and this is the main reason we have so many people taking advantage of our system. I have to stress, using resources is ok to do, but only use them if you really need to and not for an excessive amount of time and the number one important lesson in this is: When you are back on your feet, please give back everywhere you can, it doesn't have to be materialistically..donate your time and efforts back into your community. 

Seek your churches - Explain your situation, be honest and upfront.  I had a family adopt me and the girls and it was simply amazing, I would not have had a Christmas that year if it was not for them.  There are many families that do this.

Seek your townships - Although, any government agency right now is knee deep in people seeking help, but if you don't attempt, you won’t know.  They have a great Xmas program as well and so many communities and business's that donate year round. At one point, the township gave me grocery coupons and paid a car payment of mine

Seek your local food pantry - Churches also have food pantries, I don’t know what I would have done without this, again...this was so demeaning to me, but when I know I had three children to feed, I knew I had to so that I could pay the bills with what little money I did have.

Seek your Housing Authority - You will go through an interview process and you qualify depending on your income, at one point, they paid my utilities for a couple months.

Seek your school districts - School for our children is very expensive, call and fill out waivers for registrations, again this is based on your income.  

Seek your own Brain - Keep your heat-a/c down to a minimum, lights off when not being used, be creative in meals and make sure they are balanced well.  Don't spend because you want, spend because you need. Read your paper daily in classifieds....there are things that you can do. Even if it is one time, that is money you didn't have.  Focus on skills that you have and network to make money off of what you can give to someone else. I sold things on ebay, craigslist, garage sales...Remember: your junk is someone else's treasure.

Seek the internet - Even if you can’t afford it, go to the library, use friends or family...the internet is endless for resources. Please contact me further if you would like exact names and links and addresses.

It is not easy to tell the world what I went through, what I had to do to make it, but I never had to go on public aide and I only had to use these resources for one time or some for a short time. I did feel horrible due to the stereotypes that we have created, but when I looked at the faces of my girls, I knew that I needed to set that all aside and survive. I probably could have gone to more friends or family, but I needed to do this alone and know that I could survive and be independent and I did and damn proud of it.  I only share because I know that there are many out there that think things are impossible and I am here to say that: That is a bunch of crap! you are the leader of your own life and you create the paths.  Yes, hard times are not all that easy to get out of and they don't happen overnight.  I know...all too well.  I lost my home that I raised my children/ family in that I built with my own hands, that was my home...my everything...but guess what? That turned out to be a complete blessing if you knew where I lived, my house was beautiful and cozy as hell, but not the surroundings as it is today. I had to go bankrupt due to lack of someone not providing as directed by the courts and I still face that as I sit here today. I lost all the material items in my life, but I still had my babies and myself and all in good health and despite all the bad negative things, we tried to keep smiles and humor and positive thoughts, that was not an easy task at all. My famous saying is “Everything happens for a reason and I can honestly say that for pretty much every bad happening with me, something good came out of it.  Maybe it is my outlook but either way, it did. I definitely made some bad decisions and was lost many times that I was seeking ways to fill voids, which was all just weakness and ignorance.  I see that now and that is probably what has made me who I am today.  I will say with complete confidence that at the point I am right now in my life..No one and nothing could ever break me down, No one and nothing will ever break me down again.  I feel stronger than I have ever; I have no fear of others emotionally as I did my entire life.  The self-confidence I have built amazes me.  I never had much; I think that is why humor has always been such a big part of me, to hide my weaknesses.  Humor now is just my happiness and just natural I suppose.  Today, I give back to everything I can, right down to giving that extra $1.00 at the register at the pet sore.  I am deeply involved in the local charity Walla-Pa-Looza as I sit on the board, hell I am not just deeply involved, it is a part of me and some of the closest and most incredible people one person could ever have in their life right there as one.  I donate my clothes, any items I don't use.  I give food for every food drive; I buy whatever I can with any fundraiser for local extracurricular activities. I help with advice and anything that I can.  I give back to my fullest potential because so many resources were there when I needed it most.  You have to seek all this; it will not always just come to you. You cannot lose the fact that you have to work for what you have.  Too many people love to take and not care to give back or appreciate what they are receiving, that sickens me. As we have all heard this before, Treat people the way you want to be treated.  This pays off. There is always alternatives for every happening in life, you just have to find it or better yet,,,make it! Make a difference or don't make a difference, but nonetheless Survive. I can look back now and smile, cry, regret but the mere fact is that I am where I am and I am here for a reason.  I have three amazing children and together we have conquered so much.  We have been through more than some and less than many but we did it together and learned so many lessons as a team. I have kept all my documentation on the resources that I had to seek out and I am more than happy to share and help out, that is what this is all about. (that was a rhyme and I didn't even try) lol. I will end this with a saying I end with one of my closest and best friends with everyone one of our conversations....."Heavy Metal"