I remember that anxious feeling the days before Christmas, so much excitement that you cannot sleep, you are restless and can't think straight. I remember so vividly the thoughts I would have of what I was getting and the comfort of all of us opening gifts and everyone with smiles on their faces, no one fighting and just peace in the room, which was few and far between in my childhood. As my girls get older, I know that excitement might (or maybe not) be somewhat gone. They still have it, they still get so excited and happy and even though our house is for the most part fun and out going, this week is always extra smiley. This year just seems different to me, I don't know if it is because things are better for me, or if everyone is just happier all together, but whatever it is .... It feels good, relaxing and rewarding. Our plans are all going to be nice and smooth and I don't think it is as stressful as it normally is. When you are in an atmosphere of parents no longer being together, it adds an immense amount of pressure and stress running to and from and trying to give equally while spreading yourself thin. I know this oh too well from both sides.
Tonight we went driving around looking at Christmas lights, while I was driving....I couldn't help but think that these drives are not going to be here for many more years, this time goes so fast. Cherish even the silly things like rides in the car. Even though we were only in McHenry and Johnsburg and Bull Valley...my 17 yr old was whining that she has to go to the bathroom, my 15 yr old whining that she is hungry....Really? That ride was hard to cherish I tell you...... Can I still do time outs with them? I still try, but does not seem to work anymore, although I do still count to them and surprisingly...that does still work. Oh well, I guess I will just continue to cherish all our happenings.
My brain has not stopped with new thoughts, paths and adventures for 2011. I want to start to throw some traveling in , focus on success in my career, build up family relationships, read, cannot wait for my guitar and lessons and kayaking as well..This is going to be a big year. Although I have met so many of my life goals , there is one very big goal of mine that is pretty much out of my hands, but I plan on pulling out every card, every resource to reach that goal because it eats up so much of my energy and self being on a daily basis and I promise you I can't get it out of my head no matter what I do and I need that to STOP. The only way to get this to stop is to resolve it and that will be the 2011 HUGE Resolution. Well, it is that time, I am off for the next 4 days so I need to get some sleep so we can have a nice holiday weekend of family, friends and good times.
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