Sunday night, sitting here all alone. The girls are all out and about and I am just relaxing and trying to enjoy some "Me" time. Honestly, I cant wait to get to work tomorrow. I am also done with winter, ready for the green to be back. Now that I am single again , I have a void of course in my life and even though human nature is to fill that void...I am trying to avoid that. I need to be exactly where I want to be in life or somewhat close to it. I have so many things I want to get done and see and do and accomplish. I guess if something sprouts out of any of my life happenings, I will go with it. I don't like to be alone, but maybe that is what I need to do. Even though I have been alone , I haven't been alone at this time in my life when things are going uphill instead of downhill. But....I would love to be living life with someone instead of without someone. I have recently learned so much about myself and so many things that I need to concentrate on after this realization. I have been going through life living as I was taught or what I was given. I see now why I do things the way I do or why I see things the way I see them, why I have certain walls up and won't let them down. We all have problems and issues we need to work on and if you don't , well then...you are just lying to yourself right now. Everyone can afford to make something better, or better something that is already good. I am trying to do this in several different aspects of my life and I will succeed in those changes immediately. It is such a relief to be able to admit fault, because then it is easier to move forward and make all necessary changes. Sometimes I feel like I am asking for too much in life or maybe relationships, but I know I really am not. I know what I want or more so, I know what I need. I look at it as this: I was married and got divorced for several reasons but the biggest one being something that I could have been stronger about, but I accepted that was how it was going to be and I decided to move on. I regret that move...I should have been stronger and stood my ground, but I didn't. I did not have anywhere near the strength that I have now. So, the moral of this , is that I will never settle for anyone or anything. If I couldn't settle for the love of my life, my best friend and father of my children, then I will not settle for anything. That is just a strong feeling I have and feel that is only fair to me and most importantly...the girls and in all honesty..My ex husband as well. I would live in guilt and I do not want that at all. That is something that I am sticking to for life I believe. Maybe nobody will be able to understand that, but I do and I guess that is all that matters. Of course, I am always open for discussion and opinions.
You know what I find funny about this blogging, is that no one really comments on here, but I get so so so many messages, emails, phone calls about them. So many people don't like to express or admit to express, but that is fine with me. There has been a few people that starting blogging, many people that have messaged me to compliment me or comment on a blog, there has been many that have used a resource as well....So, to me, this is a success already...
Well My girls are home and I am having a conversation as well with one of my favorite peeps. I hope all is well and everyone is recovering from the holiday. Remember, Always be true to your feelings and thoughts and face your issues, don't ignore and again,,,if you have none...Then ..You are lying to yourself right now!
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