Normally Christmas is such a very stressful time for me that I normally don't enjoy it. This year is different, not much has changed and I will be alone and single on Christmas Eve once again and that I do not enjoy. This year has been a struggle and I have gone through some tragic moments, but they all turned out for the best in the end and I am so grateful for that. A big part of my year is consumed with Walla-Pa-Looza and I could not be any more grateful to have that as part of my life. Not only for the mere fact that we help so many and are building such a great organization that is just going to continue to prosper year after year, but...the friendships and the Walla family that we have is so amazing. We have all reunited and it is like we have been together for our lifetimes. We all blend so well, we work so well together and reach for higher goals together as a team. With all that in mind, that was my Christmas present to have such an amazing supportive group of friends in my life. Thank you to all of you because I truly believe that I have grown and prospered this year because of having you all by my side.
I have one Christmas wish and it is the same wish for the past 5 years and that is that my ex husband, father of my children would find in his heart to just speak with me, talk to me and that we can raise our girls together. This hurts the girls so much and I have no other ways to reach to his heart to see this, I can admit that I am stuck and cannot get any further. Cheyenne a few years ago gave him her Christmas list and all it said was "I want my Daddy to talk to my Mommy", his response to her was: That won't be able to happen, sorry! I don't think she will ever be over that. I definitely have reason for this to be the opposite, but I want the best for the girls and so I continue to support them alone and ignore what the papers all say and keep going to avoid any more negativity in their life and will keep doing that. I just wish that I could even call him and say "Merry Christmas Weeb" but it won't be able to happen. I am not to proud to say that no matter what has happened or what will happen, I love him, he is the father of my girls, he was my High School Sweetheart and those feelings for me will never fade. I simply want peace for us and for our amazing children. It is not much to ask for them and as a mom, my hands are tied for the first time, I cannot change this.
I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, a very safe and eventful one as well. This is such a great time to be able to really ponder on what you have and who is in your life. For me, this Christmas will be to rebuild some stressed relationships and make it better from here on out. I cannot wait to be with my family, sisters-brothers-parents-aunts-uncles-cousins-nieces-nephews. Peace to all that are not with us anymore. Again...I wish you all a very Merry Christmas....
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